The Weekly ThursGAY

THis week we honor two of LW favorites, Bravo TV and the Gays. Our ThursGAY this week is Bravo TV extraordinare, Andy Cohen!  Andy first came on our gaydar as the cross-eyed and overly probing host of the Real Housewives reunion specials.  Nevermind the fact that he used his position as a Bravo tv executive, to live out his gay fantasy gab fest and be on television. Within his tightly gripped blue cards, he had the questions just uncomfortable enough to make even the most botoxed of Housewives quiver a little.  Since then, Andy has "skyrocketed" to basic cable fame with his weekly late night show, "Watch What Happens Live".  Few things are gayer than his Bravo clubhouse, the appletinis he drinks while live on the air, his weekly Mazels, and the fabulous divas he calls his "guests".  Who could forget the near 20 minute philosophical shoe discussion with Sarah Jessica Parker of when Kim Zolciak from "Real Housewives of Atlanta" world premiered her mediocre 'hit' "Google Me" right on Andy's very own show??  Without our ThursGAY Andy, we could have missed out on these once in a lifetime moments! That's why we salute Mr. Cohen, for bringing hair extension pulling, Gucci wearing housewives to the world! Mazel tov Andy, Mazel tov.

Lonely Women=Recognized Consumer Group!!!

Hello Fellow Lonely Women. I am very happy to report that just as the suffragists, civil rights activists, and more recently the Gays before us, our push for acceptance as a recognized group with the same rights and privileges as couples has made another great stride forward! I recently visited my local Target store and while doing my weekly grocery shopping for one, I came upon a miraculous discovery in the frozen meal aisle.  All of the Lonely Woman faves, Lean Cuisines, Smart Ones, and Healthy Choices were sub categorized in a special section denoted with a red sign reading "Meals for One" (see below for photographic evidence).  No longer do we have to dig through the boxes of Stouffers large family dinners or huge meaty frozen pizzas to find our LWDs (lonely woman dinners).  Target is a pioneer in the movement for LW acceptance and we applaud them! They have now officially made our list of SafeHaven Lonely Woman places (along with other establishments such as Bed, Bath & Beyond; Yoga studios; and girls-only nights out). So please tell fellow LWs out there that there is a place for us in this couply society and that IT GETS BETTER! Also, please shop at Target...great special this week on Maybelline Great Lash Mascara :)!

Target: A Partner in the LW Civil Rights Movement!

The Weekly ThursGAY!

This week we're switching gears (not teams!) a bit from the music industry and heading to every lonely woman's favorite Saturday activity; interior design! This weeks ThursGAY is Nate Berkus! We all know Nate Berkus from our Goddess Oprah's show. Many a lonely woman afternoon has been spent weeping with Nate about the loss of his true love in the Tsunami that hit Sri Lanka in 2004. When Nate isn't making us cry about the story of love and loss, he's making us reexamine our design skills and take a good hard look at our shabby chic interiors and usually discover that it's more shabby than chic. But there's hope! As every lonely woman knows, Nate can walk you through the whole redecorating process with his line of home decor items available at Linens N Things (also known as a great date spot)! So this week we salute Nate Berkus the ThursGAY for being the only man that ever knows what kind of bedspread we've got going on in our Lonely Woman lair!


Nate in his element!



Nate Berkus approved lonely woman bedding...the Indochine collection!

Live Posting...The Golden Globes!

Ok so I'm sure you other Lonely Women are totally watching the Golden Globes right now. I for one am enjoying a lovely $8 bottle of Pinot Grigio and am wearing my formal bathrobe. The gowns for the most part have been gorgeous, minus Helen Bonham Carter (two different shoes? eek!) and Tilda Swinton (um shirt dress?) Here's the trends I've noticed thus far:

• long sleeve dresses with shoulder pads (Angelina, Ann Hathaway, Jane Fonda)
• Black is back! (Piper Perabo, Julia Stiles, Juliana Rancic)
• Pink, pink, and MORE PINK!!! (Claire Danes, Emma Stone, Lea Michelle, Natalie Portman)

Ok the upsets/lonely woman disagreements so far:

• Steve Buscemi wins over the dreamiest of dreams Jon Hamm??? Ack!
• Who thought it was a good idea for Justin Bieber to present? He should learn how to read first. He'll never reach the heartthrob status of the boybands of yesteryear!
• Andrew Garfield from the Social Network is WAAAY overrated. There. I said it.

What I'm love, love, love loving!!:

• Chris Colfer winning from Glee!
• Hottie McHotterson Christian Bale winning for The Fighter and he thanked his little girl...total cuteness overload!
• Oh Ricky Gervais, you slay me. Can you believe he made a joke about Angelina and Johnny Depp? He's so edgy!
• Eva Longoria showing up solo and taking "Parker" off her name when she was announced. You go girl! Welcome back to the club, who needs that cheating hubby anyway.

Ok so that's all I've got thus far, what else have you been noticing Lonely Ladies?

The Weekly ThursGAY!

It's that time again to announce our second ThursGAY. This week we dub the honor to none other than our latin love, Ricky Martin! Looking back at his storied career from Menudo to our very own teen Lonely Womanself heartthrob, it's almost hard to imagine that during those crazy late 90's days he secretly wished it was a "he" he was "banging" instead of a "she".  With the birth of his twin boys Matteo and Valentino in 2008 via surrogate, it only fueled the nearly decade long rumors that he might wave his Puerto Rican flag the other way.  So when he announced he was a "proud homosexual man", our Lonely Woman hearts broke a little for our former latin love, but we were happy he was free to be himself! His subsequent Oprah appearance was epic, and with the Great O's blessing, it seems Ricky is back on his his way to the top. So we salute you, Ricky Martin, un  ThursGAY muy fabuloso!

Take-Out Tips for a Lonely Night In

 It's a little known secret that while cooking for one can be depressing, ordering for one can be suicidal. The stigma of your loneliness then goes public for the world to judge, or at least that sweaty dude behind the Chilis TO GO counter. Unless, you have these tried and true take-out tips that any solid Lonely Woman lives by. Have you ever wondered why Lonely Women have so many restaurant condiments, napkins and plastic cutlery? Read on to find out!
So, when you've just gotten off work on a Friday and looking forward to rocking your Netflix with Jinxy Cat as your date, you've obviously got to grab some food...but what? Everywhere a Lonely Woman likes to eat tends to be just so "couply" and you can't order another whole pizza...or can you?
Rule #1: Never be afraid of over-ordering! Get the multiple appetizers, the 2 pastas and a dessert if you want. The more you order, the less likely it looks like it's just for you. And you have to be sure to order enough that it doesn't just look like you're binge eating, plus everyone knows take-out is way better left overs than Lean Cuisines. I don't know about you, but I always want the mozzarella sticks AND the buffalo wings, it's too hard to decide! As you call your favorite take-out spot on the way home be prepared for when you walk in to pick up the food, here's what you'll need to know. Walk in pretending to be on the phone and say "Yes, honey [or whatever boyfriend pet name you prefer!] I'm picking up our dinner now. I'll be home in 10. Okay...love you too...bye." Ask the clerk to put in 2 forks, straws and extra napkins too. Some more adventurous Lonely Women even ask for extra sauces, the more exotic the better. I mean what woman wants extra hot buffalo sauce anyway? Give us more Ranch and marinara....Ranchinera (lonely woman favorite)!! But our boyfriend would love extra hot buffalo sauce. They may have been wondering what kind of woman ordered all this food before, but once you've thrown them off the scent, you'll leave them thinking what a cute couples' night!
Rule #2: Delivery is especially lonely, so create a fake party atmosphere! Now, with pizzas being practically $5 a piece these days, it's pretty easy to order 3 without blinking. Make sure one of them is some manly type pizza like Meat Lovers so that white spinach pizza you're really eating doesn't sound too girly. Don't forget to order drinks either, however 2 or 3 drinks is too obvious. Go for the 2 Liter...it really drives home the "we're having a couples game watching night at my place!" theory. Note: don't fall into the trap of a 2 Liter of Diet Coke! This immediately undoes your whole party image, as only a Lonely Woman wants an entire bottle of diet soda. Then when the doorbell rings yell out something like "don't worry guys, I've got the door, make sure the game is on" and do it right next to your door so the delivery guy is sure to hear it. Lonely Women pros also make sure they're wearing the local team's T-shirt, even if she's really about to pop in The Notebook and eat 5000 calories in pizza, alone. 

So the next time it's just too depressing to scarf down another Lean Cuisine, keep these tips at hand, and you'll feel free to order take-out without shame!

Weekly Post: The ThursGAY!

Hello fellow Lonely Women! I wanted to announce some very exciting news to the Lonely Woman's World blog! Today is the first installment of our weekly feature, "The ThursGAY".  Every Thursday we'll profile a fabulous Gay who inspires us to dress better, act sluttier, get drunker, and dance crazier every time we think of him! These are Gays who any Lonely Woman would be proud to include in her inner circle, or have as a plus one at her ex-boyfriend's wedding! He'd keep her laughing the whole time commenting on Aunt May's ghastly floral pattern dress, so there's no way she could slip off to the bathroom to sob because it wasn't her up there on the altar. Anyhoo, let me present our inaugural ThursGAY, LANCE BASS!!!

Lance Bass stands out as a true ThursGAY because not only was he a heartthrob for our tween and teen Lonely Woman selves as a member of the mega popular boy band 'NSYNC (56 million albums people!), but by the time us Lonely Women had all grown up, he morphed with us into a fabulous Gay we could rely on for fashion advice! It certainly didn't hurt that he chose to "come out" (that's the term they use, right? I only know one Gay personally so I'm not sure) on the July 2006 cover of one of the Lonely Woman Bibles, People Magazine! I also appreciate that Lance never diva-ed out and overshadowed the completely drool worthy Justin Timberlake during those 'NSYNC days; move over Jessica Biel-I'm coming for you! LOL ;) Actually you're amazing biceps and 4 inch waist are a little too intimidating for this Lonely Woman, but I digress. Lance also fostered world peace when he tried to be a cosmonaut for like 6 weeks over in Russia.  Too bad he never made it to the Space Station, he could have been the "First Gay in Space"! It's also important to note that Lance Bass is personal friends with another Lonely Woman fav, Kathy Griffin! I mean a female comic + a fabulous gay=match made in Lonely Woman heaven!! So Congrats to you, Lance Bass, our first ever ThursGAY!

A Lonely Woman's Guiltiest TV Pleasures

A a direct result of being a lonely woman, many hours are spent in front of the television sipping on some diet Coke's and eating the sweet yet salty snack du jour. This can't be helped. There is just too much quality TV programming aimed directly at the lonely woman! Let's review a few favorite guilty pleasures that have managed to capture the lonely woman's Tivo time slot episode after episode, and let's be honest, repeat episode after same repeat episode.

15. The Hills - The drama between LC and Heidi somehow never got stale over the 6 seasons the same way it doesn't between you and your married friend. Speidi? This is definitely one case where the lonely woman reigns supreme.

14. Giuliana & Bill - Yes, Giuliana calling her husband by his last name, which is ultimately her last name gets really old really fast but there's something endearing about this show that keeps us coming back week after week. Maybe as heartbreaking as their fertility issues are to watch, it shows lonely women that it it could be worse...you could be stuck married to a first generation reality show winner.

13. Project Runway - Heidi and Tim. Plus, how great is it watch someone's hopes, dreams and aspriations get dashed with a swift "Auf Wiedersehen"?

12. Girls Who Like Boys Who Like Boys - This is a new series, but a show about girls and their gay best friends would never go under the radar from a lonely woman. This show keeps us tuning in week after week, even though our gay best friend that we're supposed to watch with bails to hang out with his boyfriend every week...it's poetic!

11. Figure Skating - Call it an unfufilled childhood dream or the realization that it's really the only sport a lonely woman can understand, figure skating gives women an excuse to sit on the couch with a mid-day wine spritzer ( a lonely woman's beer) and offer critique on jumps we could never even attempt, shimmery outifts we wish we could fit into and Celine Dionesque song selections which we instantly google to add to our "relaxation" (aka bubble bath) playlist.

10. Teen Mom - "Thank God I remained a virgin until I was 24, or this could have been me!" is the mantra every lonely woman repeats while watching this show.

9. Miami Social - This short-lived Bravo series instantly captured our hearts when we discovered it was really just incredibly attractive people that were as depressed as the average lonely woman. It didn't hurt they they were all rich and attractive, but they all seemed miserable, which instantly made it more attractive to the lonely woman. The beach/bikini body shots also reminded us to never go to Miami.

8. Whose Wedding is it Anyway? - Every lonely woman has spent the majority of their spare and working hours of their lives planning every detail of their wedding, so how do these women get it so wrong?! Thankfully, the wedding fairy known as David Tutera is able to turn it all around and make their day a magnificent chiffon affair.

7. Rock of Love - It's always reassuring to see that for every 100 lonely women, there's 1 lonely man, and Bret Michaels is one of them. Watching these trashy girls compete for Bret's affection never lost it's appeal because you always knew that this show was never about looking for love and more about looking for fame. Every lonely woman knows that nothing is more pathetic than a trashy woman desperate to be famous.

6. Keeping up with the Kardashians - There are so many unanswered questions that pop into your head while watching this show "Is this episode after Bruce's latest plastic surgery?" "Doesn't Kourtney realize that Scott is gay?!" and the ultimate lonely woman question, "Why can't someone as attractive and rich as Kim land a man?" As lonely women ourselves, we keep tuning in to hopefully find the answer, not really for Kim, but for ourselves.

5. Bridezillas - Seriously, you sit alone watching a woman planning her wedding to a man who's agreed to marry her no less, scream and threaten anyone that crosses her path and yet you're the one sitting on the couch alone. I don't understand it either.

4. Real Housewives - I wish I could pick a particular region to highlight, but the sad reality is that as a lonely woman, we are obligated to watch all of them, not that we're complaining! The upside for the lonely woman is that as you watch rich women scream at their friends about allegedly saying rude things about their husband, you realize that you will never have this problem.

3. The Bachelor/ette - A whole group of desperate lonely women/men in one place is basically like peering in at your local bar, only the old sailors are replaced with leggy blondes. Eventually, all but one goes home lonely, and that one never lasts either, so ultimately, the lonely wins!

2. What Not to Wear - Stacey and Clinton could do no wrong in a lonely woman's eyes, they speak to her soul about what's really bringing her and her fashion sense down, which is ultimately that the woman is lonely because she dresses poorly, and she dresses poorly because she's lonely. Stacey and Clinton somehow always break the cycle!

1. Say Yes to the Dress - Who needs Friday night plans with this show?! Say Yes to the Dress is the ultimate lonely woman fantasy, you get to critique a future bride over her atrocious style and question why she would bring so many family members. Secretly, you're making plans for your own wedding dress and choosing which part of each dress you would incorporate into yours...as soon as you actually go out on a Friday night to meet a guy.

There you have it kids, the ultimate lonely woman guilty pleasure must watch list. What will you be watching this upcoming weekend?

A Lonely Woman's Holiday

So the Holidays have come and gone once again, and these times can be hit or miss for the average Lonely Woman. It's perfectly acceptable to attend the Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa holiday with family and it's even overlooked sometimes if you don't have a significant other accompany you (hey! more puzzle time with Grandma); however New Year's Eve is a very different story. So, what's a Lonely Woman to do on this oh so couply of holidays? Well here's a few tips to ensure New Years can come and go without being too lonely:

• Host a "GIRLS ONLY" New Year's Eve Slumber Party!!! Invite your best Lonely Woman Gal Pals and dress up in your finest PJs (who wants to wear a black cocktail dress anyway??) and make some fancy homemade pizzas while you watch Ryan Seacrest announcing the Ball Drop and the start of another lonely year. Don't forget the champagne for the group hug toast at midnight! In fact here's a recipe for a champagne cocktail that includes a Lonely Woman favorite: ICE CREAM! ;)

• 1 quart vanilla ice cream
• 1 quart prepared lemonade
• 1 bottle champagne
• Place the softened ice cream into a punch bowl. Pour in lemonade and champagne. Stir lightly then serve.
• Go Out With Your Gays! Nothing boosts a Lonely Woman's ego more like a night with her fabulous and well-dressed gay friends.  Not only will your NYE outfit be superb, the Gays always know the trendiest parties.  With enough drinks in your system, and once you squint your eyes enough, you'll almost believe you're surrounded by straight men by the time the Ball drops!!
• Offer to Babysit for your married friends! This is my personal fav as a fellow lonely woman.  Not only do you have set plans in advance for NYE, but the average babysitting rate can almost triple on holidays! Hello...a new pair of shoes! Plus it's just one more thing you can hold over your smug married friends.

Any one of these are sure to fend off the crippling despair of loneliness and possible 3rd wheeldom when your best friend offers to have you tag along with her and her BF on NYE. Gotta say, nothing makes me want a pint of Haagen Daaz more then chugging a bottle of champagne at midnight just so my mouth has something to do while everyone else is kissing the New Year in. Well fellow lonely women, any other proven ideas for a great, Lonely Woman-approved New Year's holiday?