Take-Out Tips for a Lonely Night In

 It's a little known secret that while cooking for one can be depressing, ordering for one can be suicidal. The stigma of your loneliness then goes public for the world to judge, or at least that sweaty dude behind the Chilis TO GO counter. Unless, you have these tried and true take-out tips that any solid Lonely Woman lives by. Have you ever wondered why Lonely Women have so many restaurant condiments, napkins and plastic cutlery? Read on to find out!
So, when you've just gotten off work on a Friday and looking forward to rocking your Netflix with Jinxy Cat as your date, you've obviously got to grab some food...but what? Everywhere a Lonely Woman likes to eat tends to be just so "couply" and you can't order another whole pizza...or can you?
Rule #1: Never be afraid of over-ordering! Get the multiple appetizers, the 2 pastas and a dessert if you want. The more you order, the less likely it looks like it's just for you. And you have to be sure to order enough that it doesn't just look like you're binge eating, plus everyone knows take-out is way better left overs than Lean Cuisines. I don't know about you, but I always want the mozzarella sticks AND the buffalo wings, it's too hard to decide! As you call your favorite take-out spot on the way home be prepared for when you walk in to pick up the food, here's what you'll need to know. Walk in pretending to be on the phone and say "Yes, honey [or whatever boyfriend pet name you prefer!] I'm picking up our dinner now. I'll be home in 10. Okay...love you too...bye." Ask the clerk to put in 2 forks, straws and extra napkins too. Some more adventurous Lonely Women even ask for extra sauces, the more exotic the better. I mean what woman wants extra hot buffalo sauce anyway? Give us more Ranch and marinara....Ranchinera (lonely woman favorite)!! But our boyfriend would love extra hot buffalo sauce. They may have been wondering what kind of woman ordered all this food before, but once you've thrown them off the scent, you'll leave them thinking what a cute couples' night!
Rule #2: Delivery is especially lonely, so create a fake party atmosphere! Now, with pizzas being practically $5 a piece these days, it's pretty easy to order 3 without blinking. Make sure one of them is some manly type pizza like Meat Lovers so that white spinach pizza you're really eating doesn't sound too girly. Don't forget to order drinks either, however 2 or 3 drinks is too obvious. Go for the 2 Liter...it really drives home the "we're having a couples game watching night at my place!" theory. Note: don't fall into the trap of a 2 Liter of Diet Coke! This immediately undoes your whole party image, as only a Lonely Woman wants an entire bottle of diet soda. Then when the doorbell rings yell out something like "don't worry guys, I've got the door, make sure the game is on" and do it right next to your door so the delivery guy is sure to hear it. Lonely Women pros also make sure they're wearing the local team's T-shirt, even if she's really about to pop in The Notebook and eat 5000 calories in pizza, alone. 

So the next time it's just too depressing to scarf down another Lean Cuisine, keep these tips at hand, and you'll feel free to order take-out without shame!